A MANLY MAN





MUBASHIR AMIN



A Manly Man 6’4. 18 stone. Rugby lover. Avid gym goer. On paper, it seems as if that is the epitome of what it means to be a man. Strong, athletic and someone who makes sure their voice is heard. But in reality, what constitutes the make up of a man? Growing up, my environment taught me that men must be brave and courageous to the point where showing emotions is a sign of weakness. If you take a step back and think about that, it is actually absurd. Supressing your natural reaction to events? It’s a recipe for disaster and the pressure is evidently taking its toll, with men being three times as likely to take their own life. As men, we tend to think that we must do everything on our own. Showing any weakness is a no-go. Weak people do not ask others for help, right? We could not be further from the truth. Some of the attributes of toxic masculinity are making our brothers, fathers, sons and friends think that ending their life is the only option. There is no need to think that we must bear the brunt of life’s obstacles on our own. It came very close to taking its toll on me too. In 2017, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety after hiding my emotions and feelings over the past 7 years. It is certain that part of the reason I struggled to reach out, was because I was terrified of being labelled as someone who is weak. But here’s the thing- reaching out takes an incredible amount of strength, so you are indeed stronger than you think. Mental illness does not make you weak; it is as valid and as important as physical illnesses. It has never been and never will be a personal failure. It took me a while to understand that a lot of my feelings were something out of my control. They were natural reactions to events in my life, and instead of trying to invalidate them, I learnt to firstly, accept them and secondly, to confront them. Yes, it is daunting. Yes, it is exhausting. However, your resilience will only increase after you receive help, as we are not made to battle all of life’s struggles on our own. Another thing that kept me quiet was the intrusive thoughts of, “People all across the world have it so much worse than you.” My first psychiatrist helped me immensely to combat this, as she would say, “You can appreciate the struggles of others without invalidating your own”. When you go through a hard time, you naturally do not want to burden the people around you as they all have their own things to deal with. What I didn’t understand was that helping people can often bring fulfilment into their life, and the more aware they are about mental health, the better because the awareness will spread. The more I opened up to my friends about what I was struggling with, the more they understood the importance of looking after their own mental health. This in turn allowed them to identify unhealthy habits which they were used to doing due to society’s pressure. No matter how strong and tough you think you are, if you do not speak about the issues which are bothering you, it will come back to hurt you. If there is one thing you take away from this, please let it be that reaching out does not make you less of a man, no matter how weak you may feel. It is my belief that asking for help is one of the bravest things you can do, so I hope we all have this when we need it the most. We must end the stigma, and the only way we can do that is if we are untied in our efforts.